Getting To Know You....

I love this girl. I felt like she was mine the moment I first held her, but this past week she has been sick, and she also had that scary episode, so I have felt very protective of her. When she passed out, my world closed in on me so quickly and I felt like we were the only two people on the planet. I held her tight, not believing what was happening. It was very surreal.  I have loved her from the start, but I now feel like Mommy.

There is something that happens when she gets tired that amazes me. She gets really silly when she is sleepy. Downright goofy. But when I sit down to rock her, or lay her next to me in bed, she opens up to me.  She babbles and coos and uses her hands to tell me things about herself.

 It's as if she is letting me see Song Zihan.

Today I was in the shower right at her nap time. Autumn came  in to ask me something, baby on her hip. Havensong loves the water and was hanging onto the bathroom door because she didn't want to leave. I decided to let her shower with me. She had baby food crusted in her hair and a runny nose that had dried on her cheeks, giving them that nice sheen. She needed a scrubbing down.

 I held her back against the water and her eyes started to close.Sooooo cozy.  She put her head on my shoulder (rare) and started to talk. She kept saying "Mama" and nodding her head. Then she fell asleep. It was just the two of us, she didn't want down, and nobody was going to ask to hold her. I never had those quiet moments with her as a newborn, so I cherish them now. I stood there, tears mixing with the water on my face, so thankful that this little girl came all the way across the world to be my girl.  Of course I was also sort of stuck there and couldn't reach our towels while holding her, so Autumn had to come to the rescue-again. :)

The name Havensong fits her so well. But there have been moments, when I know she is showing me a glimpse of where she came from, and who she was...and I love that. I often wonder if she misses the language she heard in the womb and all her first year of life. I feel sad it will be a fleeting memory. I wish I could hang onto it for her, but I cannot. What I can do, is give her a new language, full of words like, "My Girl", "Fuffy", "I love you", "Good Morning", "Sweet Baby", and "No, don't touch Mommy's glasses" :)

Mama's Girl.....