Settling In...

This is how a Mommy and daughter are supposed to look, but it took us a while to get here.
She let me hold her, but not too tight. She let me kiss her... if I was quick about it.
She wanted to be in my arms, but her arms stayed locked against me.
I did my best to wait. To give her time to trust me and time to need me. And best of all, love me.
But it was hard to do...
She began to lean back on me if she was tired, but only for a few seconds.
When she put her head on my shoulder I wanted to do a jig! It was like a tiny miracle taking place.
I would point and mouth, "Look!" to whoever happened to be next to us.
She started to cry when strangers tried to hold her. I felt bad for the stranger, but great for me.
That meant I was somebody to her.
Each morning I brought her into bed and tried to snuggle. Instead she just wiggled and pulled my hair.
If she did let me hold her close, it was only for a fleeting moment and I held my breath the whole time.
Then one morning she scooted herself down, under the covers, and settled into the crook of my arm.
She picked up my hand and put it on her head so I could scratch it.
I happily obliged.
Now that is our routine. We cuddle while I rub her head and she usually falls back to sleep.
And sometimes I do too.
This is what it looks like... so easy and natural for most moms.
But for us, it took a lot of work.