Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Dear Diary

     I have been so quiet lately.  Maybe I am tired of hearing myself talk? Life has been a bit odd for me these days. Tayler moved out and is getting married next week. I can't really explain it, but I am in such a daze. I find myself spacing out and am having a hard time focusing on tasks. I am overwhelmed and my nerves feel frayed. But I am not unhappy. I am happy. I just need things to slow down a little. I just want to be in my garden or quietly reading. I want to be with my family. I am more than content to be on a blanket in my front yard, watching the clouds roll by. I want simple....I want calm. No more planning a wedding, no more baseball games, no filming commercials, no band events all over the globe....just let me be....I know all of those things are part of the life I do love. It's just a bit much all at once. I keep telling Scott we need to run away for a week, but that even feels like effort.

     Yesterday we were racing out the door to go to band practice. My van wouldn't start so I had to use Beau's car. He didn't have enough seats so I had to ask my friend to keep two of the kids. I dropped Beau off for his lesson and took the other three kids to Starbucks to wait. I couldn't find my keys. I panicked because I was across the border. I needed to pick Beau up. I needed to get home! I tore through my chicken purse and came up with nothing. The girls ran out to the car. The keys were locked inside. I texted Beau's instructor to say I would be late. ( He already hates me. He thinks we are flaky, but he isn't raising five kids so whatever.) I called AAA to come rescue me. (Again.) Just then a Starbucks employee ran out with keys in her hand. She looked so happy for me. I told her my keys were locked inside of the car. But I told her the keys in her hand were indeed mine. She said, "Well, now you can cancel AAA!" I explained the keys she had in her hand were to a different car. But I thanked her because that would have been bad to lose those. That seemed to really bum her out. She half smiled at me. I felt bad for ruining her excitement.

 We finally got our keys, got to band, and eventually got home. In the middle of all of this I was juggling a family issue, which required me to be on my phone, roaming away.

 Do I sound negative? Grouchy? Petty? I can assure you I am overly grateful, hopeful, and happy with my life. I am just really spent. Emotionally wore out.

 But I have a million things I am glad about.