Friday, December 31, 2010

She Is Amazing, And We Are Lucky...

I have wanted to write this post for a long time. For months, actually. You see, I am torn, because there is so much I don't know or understand. So bear with me, I am going to do my best. Do you see that picture above my writing? Havensong was abandoned in this very spot. It has come to my mind all week. I will be going about my day, and all of a sudden I will think of this tiny place in the world, and I will have to stop what I am doing and catch my breath. To the millions of people who live there, it must seem a very insignifigant spot. People rush past it nonstop and have no idea how much it means to me.

But there is another person who thinks of this spot quite often. The person who chose this very place to leave a one day old baby girl..

 I wonder, did they look for days, trying to find the best place so she would be safe? I know there are different ideas about what the parents feel after they abandon their child. I choose to believe it hurt them to leave her. I choose to believe they did it for her own good. I choose to believe there is, in fact a mother mourning for her child and hoping she is loved and happy.

 I imagine she was left under the cover of darkness. The street light above competing with the moon to illuminate her. The chilly air forcing it's way around her. The nightime sounds fading away as morning made it's appearance.  A sweet baby wrapped in a blanket, abandoned because she was a girl, and waiting for someone to find her and take her to a safe place. Maybe it was her Father who set her there, tucking the blanket around her little face to keep her as warm as possible before he turned away.  I can picture him crouching in a not so far away spot, watching to make sure she is found, and whisked, but very much alone in this big world.

 He had no idea he just had given me a dream come wasn't a thought in his mind as he walked away from that spot. She wasn't unwanted, she was chosen to be Havensong and just had to wait a little bit for all of us to figure that out. I am nobody to her birth father. I am nobody to her birth mother.

But I am somebody to her.

I will be her Mommy. I will kiss her scraped knees, sing her songs and read her books. I will cuddle her to sleep and watch her dream. I will teach her bible stories and her ABC's. I will fix her hair, and tie her shoes. I will brush away her tears, and tell her to not be afraid. I will dress her baby dolls and fix Barbie's hair. I will laugh at her when she's funny, and hold her when she's sad. I will brag that she's the cutest, brightest most endearing child walking the earth. I will protect her and pray for her at night. I will look into her eyes and tell her how thankful I am to God for bringing her to me. I will kiss her perfect nose, and all her toes. I will try to discipline her. ( I really will) And I will cheer her on in life as she grows into the woman God created her to be....

I keep hearing how lucky she is and how amazing we are. But I think it's the other way around. We are the lucky ones and she is truly amazing.

I will never be able to thank her birth parents for this incredible gift. Somehow, I hope they feel peace in their hearts, knowing she is just fine. Can they somehow know that I will love her with everything in me and try my best to be the Mommy she needs and deserves?

 I am so excited to see her face...My eyes are already red and swollen. I can't stop the tears and I am not even trying. I am just allowing myself to feel has been a very long road, and if I cry for the next 24 hours, then so be it. This is no small thing...

This is my child who has grown not in my belly, but in my heart, and I am anticipating her arrival just as much as the first four. The beautiful thing, is it seems she is eagerly awaited by all of you too....thank you so much for caring  about her the way you do. It has touched me more than you will ever know....


  1. So beautiful! She is perfect, and Ryland is soooo excited to have a friend to play with :) love you

  2. Michelle I pray too that her birth mother and father find peace in giving her to you (in a round about way). I believe you are all blessed to have each other as one family. May God Bless you all as you bond together and become the family God means for you to be.

  3. Very beautifully and touchingly said, Michelle. Your family deserves this little girl that the Lord has entrusted to your care. You are truly blessed.

  4. Michelle... I can SO understand with everything you have written here... we will NEVER know the real reason as to 'why' our girls were left behind - whether it is a 'girl' thing, a young couple who can't afford a child etc etc just knowing that they are now with the 'Forever Family'... you are SO write... they aren't the lucky ones... we are... I cannot wait for you to finally get to see HavenSong... maybe you have already - don't stop sharing now :) Put those photos out there :)
    Hugs... and Shauna sends her Yangxi sister lots of hugs...

  5. you are so lucky to have such a beautiful baby girl and im sure will be the best mom ever to her. your story made me cry congratulations on your new blessing