Friday, January 7, 2011

Finally Home

One week ago I was sitting in this same spot. It was New Year's Eve. I had been invited to many different parties, but declined them all. I usually love a fun party with good friends, but I just needed to be alone. I had  been through a very emotional two weeks. I am thankful to Scott and Beau for doing such an amazing job in China with her, and for bringing her home to her Mommy. I tried to wait as patiently as I could, and I wasn't all that easy to be around, so I apologize to those who had to endure me during that time.

Last week at this time I was a heap of tears. Time was dragging it's feet, so I did the best thing I knew  to do on Saturday to make it pass quickly. I slept in. Sleep was the only thing that worked. Unfortunately that left me scrambling to get things done, but my friends were a huge help to me that day. They made sure the house was perfect for her arrival.

On the way to the airport there was the most amazing sunset. I don't recall seeing this kind of sky in the winter. But I knew it was painted pink just for her, in honor of her homecoming. That's how loving and creative God really is.

We arrived early, something I never do. We paced, and talked, and watched the clock. When they announced the flight had landed from Seattle I covered my face with my hands and began to sob. She was so close. I would see her in mere minutes. The people began to file off of the plane, but no baby. I finally asked a lady if she saw her on the flight. She told me yes and that she had even wiped her little nose. I noticed most of the passengers stayed there to wait for her. They weren't going to miss this. It felt odd to have these strangers in my delivery room, but I soon lost focus on them when I saw my baby girl coming towards me. I had waited so many years for this, and it was happening.

 Before I knew it she was in my arms.
I kissed her forehead and wept.
And she let me.
I can tell you, I instantly loved her. I know that is not always the case. Even when you give birth, I have heard it can take a while to feel bonded. That has never been the case with me. It was always love at first sight, and this was no different. I adored her from the first second. I held her and knew deep in my heart that she was mine. I thought she was the most beautiful baby in the world, and was pretty sure every person near her was thinking the same thing. I wanted to kiss her face off but tried to reserve myself until she was more at ease with me. It wasn't easy....she was a bit stiff in my arms, but relaxed some when I fed her a bottle, which was, by the way, the first bottle I had ever fed to one of my children. I felt like such a novice, and I am sure she thought that too. But she was patient.
I am so thankful to China for giving us this girl. I feel like we pulled off a most amazing feat.  We have a couple feet of paperwork, and five years of waiting to show how much it took, but still, it seems we should have had to do more. I don't know, maybe breathe fire or scale a mountain.
She is just such an amazing gift, and I feel so honored.

It has been a week now and she is doing so well.  Each day I notice her relaxing more and more. She cried the first night from 1-3 am. I held her but she refused to be consoled. I felt helpless, not knowing what she needed. The next night and each night after, she let me rock her to sleep and didn't awake until morning, and always with a big smile.

Today I looked at her with her pink tutu on laughing with Autumn and I got choked up. She's not alone anymore, so far from it. And her little personality is so cute. She is sweet when she's tired, and gives us her little closed-lip smile. She is wild and crazy when she's rested and laughs her head off, and twinkles her eyes at us. Her laugh is like music, and it melts me every time. She lets me kiss her now as much as I want. She gave in, most likely realizing I just wasn't going to stop.

She still prefers Beau and Scott if she gets too overwhelmed, but I can feel her connecting with me. She and I have had many quiet moments, when she is laying in the crook of my arm, holding her feet and looking into my eyes, trying to figure out who I really am.

And I hear her now off I go.


  1. Tears again... Such an amazing experience for your family and for Havensong. You all are truly blessed!

  2. I just cried tears of joy as I read your recent blogging posts. You will have to turn this into a book for her. This is a nice thing about blogs because there are software programs that can take your blog and create a treasure for you and Havensong. I am so sorry I wasn't able to meet her at church yesterday. It will be another month before I get back to the PNW.